Mysterious Light on Mars Excites UFO Enthusiasts

Mysterious Light on Mars Excites UFO Enthusiasts:  Cameras on one of the NASA rovers have captured what appears to be a mysterious, artificial light shining in the distance on the surface of Mars which has UFO enthusiasts really excited.  CNN is looking into the possibility that it could be Malaysia Airlines Flight 370.  Ironically, while the signals emitted from the plane’s black box will stop after the batteries run out, CNN’s Flight 370 coverage may never stop. 

Son Sues Because Mom’s Nursing Home Hires Stripper:  The son of an 85-year-old woman in a Long Island nursing home is suing the facility after he claims to have found a photo of a male stripper grinding on his mom, who was seen sticking dollar bills into his briefs while other seniors stood around and cheered.  Guess the nursing home must have thought she was a “sexagenarian” instead of an octogenarian. 


Many Fear Imminent Yellowstone Eruption:  A viral video showing bison running away as well as reported bulges in the caldera around Yellowstone National Park have led some to conclude that the massive, super-volcano under the park may be about to blow.  This has many visitors asking park officials “is that your caldera bulging, or are you just happy to see me?” 

NASA Training Robonaut to Perform Surgery:  NASA's humanoid robot currently inhabiting the International Space Station, hasn't done much exciting work up there since its arrival three years ago, but according to a doctor who has been training the robot on telemedicine, the plan is to equip NASA's space-age machine to eventually perform surgery in space.  And it would be just my luck that I’d get the robot who finished last in Robot Med School.

Rome May Pave Historic Cobblestone So Women Can Wear Heels:  Mayor Gianni Alemanno announced a plan to repave many of Rome’s iconic cobblestone streets in order to make them easier for women wearing high heels.  In related news, Alemanno is now expected to be a shoe-in for reelection as mayor.


Man Impersonating Officer Demands Spray Tan Discount:  A Tulsa, Oklahoma man is jail after flashing a stolen police badge at the manager of a tanning salon and demanding a discount on a spray tan.  If convicted, he could be sentenced to “tan years in jail.”

Tennessee Lawmakers Vote to Bring Back Electric Chair:  The Tennessee Senate voted 23-3 to back electrocution as the method of execution if lethal injection is deemed unconstitutional or the drugs cannot be obtained.  In a compromise to environmentalists, lawmakers promised to only use wind or solar to power the electric chairs.

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