BY DENISE WHEELER
Forget all the surf stickers you see on all the cars in Laguna Beach. The newest sticker in town is being worn by all the school administrators in their latest effort to prove that words, not actions, are the only things that stick in LB, especially when it comes to supporting our youth.
Thus they fired up the printing press and rolled out a slew of bright green stickers, large enough to be seen from Cuba, and emblazoned with their latest "tell, don't show" message: Take A Stand, Support Our Youth.
The fact they managed to get them off the press in time for last week's Social Host Ordinance alcohol showdown only added to the drama, since it wouldn't be great theater without some props, and they therefore paraded in, armed with their freshly-printed ones.
If you happened to miss it, don't worry. I'm sure MTV will be firing up its cameras again now that the real Laguna Beach has tumbled out of the council's chambers.
Unfortunately, the previous cast has grown up and moved on to the twinkling lights of Hollywood, but the new cast is ready to jump on the reality wagon, although I doubt they'll be gathering for any boozy bonfires or prom night limo escapades.
In fact, if the new cast has its way, even Jesus wouldn't be able to have a lick of wine without showing His ID before strolling up to the altar.
Of course, it's going to take more than an act of God to explain the reasoning behind that, but, like I said, it wouldn't be great theater without some props, and stickers aren't the only ones this cast has drummed up.
But, hey, it isn't easy being the stars of your own made-for-TV show and having to pretend your once-perfect town is on the verge of alcohol ruination while wanting to down a cabinet full of liquor yourself. To just pull that off takes some amazing acting, especially in the guise of saving the town's youth, and with a script that changes faster than the tides.
At least there were plenty of plot advisors on hand at last week's episodic showdown, and a good thing, considering how difficult it was for the entire cast to keep their lines straight due to all that thespian pressure, or perhaps even exhaustion from so much embellishment, which of course great acting requires.
Except in the case of Laguna Beach Unified School District Superintendent Sherine Smith, who either out of sheer memory loss or sudden stage fright, simply resorted to making up her own lines until a 15-year-old student thankfully stepped up and reminded her what the real ones were.
Little wonder the star of the show, Mayor Jane Egly, looked like she could have used more than a drink after that, yet managed to stay in her fully embalmed-looking character until the final scene, leaving everyone on the edge of their seats, and council member Toni Iseman no doubt wishing she could have fled hers after it was learned she had let slip the show's finale.
They may think serving alcohol within 300 miles of a minor an offense, but to publicly reveal the big finale is a major cinematic no-no. Apparently, the limits of back-room deals don't apply to such theatrics, although Brown must have spent some time in Laguna before he put the "act" in his.
But that's what PR agents are for, so stay tuned, as I'm sure they'll be putting a great spin on that scene too.
As for those stickers, no word yet whether they'll be peddling them in all the surf shops or simply doling them out with all the skateboarding tickets, that being part of the massive "Support Our Youth" cause as well, along with Laguna Beach High Assistant Principal/wannabe police officer Robert Billinger's continued attempt to recruit students to speak up for the mighty cause, and punish those who won't.
But it wouldn't be a great show without a dodgy, detective-acting assistant principal, and a supporting cast that's certain to put Laguna Beach back at the top of the reality TV charts.
Anything to support our youth, after all.