Terrorist balloons are gonna kill you!
Well, maybe your pet sea lion.
At its meeting this week, the Laguna Beach City Council talked of balloons, and the hazards they bring to marine life. Seems that cute sea creatures can't read those WARNING: CHOKING HAZARD, DO NOT INGEST labels that are prevalent on deceptively innocent balloon packaging, so Mayor Jane Egly floated the possibility of banning the evil rubberized air globules from the city altogether.
Pieces of balloons are found everywhere in Laguna Beach—in the ocean, in the gutter, in public parks after the birthday parties end. These remnants are a potential danger to ocean and wildlife, which might somehow think these spent pieces of rubber are delicious and nutritious, and eat them.
Helium-filled balloons are the worst, though—those things can float off anywhere. The metallic Mylar kind can also cause outages if they get tangled in power lines.
That's essentially the argument. But rather than vote on a straight-up balloon ban, the council first got a little reflective ...
"Our concern is that folks may be getting a little tired of the council banning things," said Egly.
"Some of the council members are getting tired of banning things!” council member Kelly Boyd shot back.
Egly also dropped some interesting knowledge: "When folks come in who wish to plan a wedding here, they are told they cannot use helium balloons, and its my understanding that the festivals do not use helium balloons for the same reason."
"I vote that we educate the public," said council member Elizabeth Pearson. "I think that (Mayor Egly) bringing this up as an agenda item does help educate, but I think we’re starting to be perceived as ... "
" ... the banning capital of California?,” Boyd chimed, clearly in a sentence-finishing mood.
In the end, the council voted to implement a public awareness campaign on balloon dangers instead of a ban.
The council's newfound banning sensitivity—get out and never come back, pet stores, downhill skateboarding, fishing, medical marijuana dispensaries, plastic shopping bags, buildings over two stories, etc. etc.—means that this is a perfect time for a poll question ...
What should the city council try to ban next? Go ahead and vote!