Politics From The Port Side: Talking Tea-Party Paranoid Blues

Talking Tea-Party Paranoid Blues (With Apologies to Bob Dylan)

I was driving in my Jag                         
When I thought I spied a crank            
He was holding a 'merican flag            
Because he just got out of the tank        
I pulled over to the curb                       
And asked him what he'd done             
he pulled out the Constitution      
Demanding his rightful gun              
 
"I don't mean to be prying"                       
I had to loudly proclaim                  
Revving my loud engine when parting    
I asked him for his government name
He said his name was "T"
And he liked to drive trucks
Looking over my shoulder              
I yelled back to him, "Good-luck."
 
Cruising the southern canyon
I came upon an odd group
Dressed up in sheets like KK klansmen  
I thought they were a Hollywood troupe
"Do you need an extra?"          
I ask with baited breath           
"You can join our small Party
If you hate the President"
 
I thought about their offer
Only once and never twice
I said, 'thanks a lot for your proffer
But for y'all I have some advice
Lose the pointy white sheets
Get some three cornered hats
March around like patriots
And help out the plutocrats"
 
Back on the highway I spied
On the right side of the road
Was my congressman personified
Speaking some bull crap in overload
Slamming down on my brakes
Running to his left side
I demanded my fair take
He was very mortified
 
"Out of here you useless pain
I'm not your congressman
You people won't find a gravy train
In my American master plan"
Returning to my Jag
I knew I was not spoiled
I flipped off the congressman
And drove away paranoid
 
I went to my car dealer 
Wanting to trade in my Jag
I wanted to buy a blue Prius
I ain't gonna be no Braxton Bragg 
Talking to the salesman
I said without remorse,
"This Jag I have been driving
Is really a Trojan Horse "
 
"A Trojan Horse!" he cried out
"And what do you mean pray tell"
I said "it looks good on the outside
But it is really a car from hell
It takes me to places
I really hate to go
It's like the New York Times
Or a radio talk show"
 
Sitting in my new blue Prius
I finally drove back home
In my chair unceremonious
I vowed never to go out and roam
Watching the TV news
With my third beer in hand
The newscaster informed me
My world was coming to an end
 
Social Security's done
Medicare was wiped out too
Obama is a Republican
Harry Reid wears bright red shoes
John Boehner smokes a bong
With Rand Paul plotting wars
While Cantor sings torch songs
Saluting the Stars and Bars